If you and your family are struggling because of your spouse or loved one’s habitual use of pornography, compulsive masturbation to porn, extramarital affairs, or any other compulsive or addictive sexual behaviors, we can help you. But first, some indelible truths you need to know:
1) This has nothing to do with you
Most men started using porn when they were adolescents, long before they ever even knew their spouses. And they’ve been using pornography for most of their lives. I should know – I was that man. So regardless of what he’s told you, this has nothing to do with you. And more importantly, YOU ARE ENOUGH!!! And you always will be. Pretty enough. Sexy enough. Good enough. Caring enough. Loving enough. You are enough – for him or any other man worthy of you. Period.
2) You can’t fix him
And you can’t make him want to get well. If his porn habit has grown into a compulsive or addictive sexual addiction, then it’s up to him to decide once and for all that he’s got a problem and he needs help. You can tell him, show him, pray for him, force counseling on him, or even arrange an intervention. But at the end of the day, he’s the only one who can choose to get well and do something about it.
3) He can’t fix himself
If he’s truly addicted, he can’t stop. And if he can’t stop, he can’t fix himself. Not on his own. So don’t buy into the lies he may tell you about how he plans on overcoming this problem quietly on his own, without involving anyone else. That is a sure-fire recipe for disaster, not just for him but also for you and your children.
4) Boundaries are your bridge to freedom
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is the key to health and happiness for you, your children, and anyone else who’s in a relationship with your addicted spouse. And his experiencing consequences as a result of violating your boundaries can lead to his hitting “rock bottom”, which in the long run is a good thing. It’s only when an addict perceives that the cost of their consequences outweighs the perceived benefits of sexually acting out will they then consider getting help at all costs.
5) Boundaries are for YOU to set, not him
As an addict, your spouse is sick and needs help. But since this sickness is one he’s voluntarily chosen for himself, you must be the responsible adult who sets the boundaries for the relationship, and you must live by them. It could mean the difference between living in freedom or bondage for everyone involved.
6) You and your children have a right to recovery
The broken trust resulting from a spouse’s unfaithfulness usually creates powerful, alternating feelings of hurt, anger, sadness, bitterness and resentment, and depression and anxiety, just to name a few. Your children could be experiencing these feelings as well. But with time and the proper kind of counseling, care and support, your family, and if he chooses to get well even your marriage, can not only survive but can emerge stronger and better than ever. It’s just a matter of personal choice for each person.
7) You don’t have to face this battle alone
BraveHearts has teamed up with Women Stand Up!, a ministry started by my wife Christine whose mission is to serve the needs of hurting women just like you. Our goal is to combine our strengths and resources in a way that brings true hope and healing to those in need who want to get well.
The options below represent a variety of ways we can help, from one-on-one crisis counseling and mentoring to recovery and support groups. There’s also a contact request form. Fill it out and submit it and Christine or I will personally get back in touch with you within 24 hours. Or, if your crisis requires an immediate response, I invite you to call either me at 678-357-5779 or Christine at 678-296-6733. We’ll take your call as long as we’re available. And yes, we really do answer our own phones.
Christine’s website is www.womenstandup.net and her email address is ccleahy@womenstandup.net.
So don’t put this off any longer. We know how you feel, what it’s like to feel hopeless and helpless. But with God’s help and your commitment to give it your all, we can help you get your life back. So call or email us today and let’s get going. There’s no need for you to have to live like this any longer.
First Steps for Spouses
Get Help Contact Form
Women’s Crisis Counseling
Women’s Support Resources
Sex Addiction Recovery Groups
Internet Safety
